Holidays at Home

Snow Day Snuggles

Well, I can now officially say that I'm done and I passed my first semester of medical school. To express that I'm ecstatic, relieved, and exhausted would not even come close to putting how I feel into words. Officially, I arrived home Wednesday night, but left Dominica on Tuesday afternoon. Considering all the possible cancellations, delays, and hiccups that could have happened over the course of those 24 hours worth of traveling, I was very fortunate to have only run into a small hiccup on the last leg of my trip from Dallas to Minneapolis where the maintenance crew was unable to locate a spare medical oxygen tank for our MD-80 aircraft within the vicinity of DFW. Luckily, an hour and half later, they found a generous flight crew elsewhere within the airport who was willing to share theirs, and we were on our way to the snowy winter wonderland that is Minnesota. At first I was a little apprehensive about coming home and how I would feel. Would it feel like home? Would I feel like an outsider in my old stomping grounds? Would I hate the cold and snow? Would Elphie be as excited to see me as I am to see her? Well, needless to say, I had nothing to be apprehensive about. As soon as we broke through the thin, wispy layer of clouds that separate the incredibly humbling and beautiful collection of fluffy, cotton candy-like clouds at 33,000 feet and the equally beautiful and humbling world upon which we all live to see the ginormous and perfectly lit up tree along Cedar Ave in Eagan, I was home. The overwhelming feeling of comfort and joy that washed through me as we coasted over the Mall of America (there's a new LL Bean store?!), and landed on my second favorite runway at MSP is another that I could never put into words. The smile that appeared on my face was immovable. Add to that the grin on my Mom's face when she picked me up at baggage claim, and the endless tail wagging and endearingly adorable squeaks from Elphie when I got home, and you have one happy, content camper. Don't get me wrong, Dominica is a beautiful place to live, and I am excited to be able to go back in a few weeks, but there is absolutely nothing like home. 

Over the course of my 25- hour travel journey, I had just a little time to begin a series of books "for fun!" Granted, this series, called The Emily Tales, chronicles the series of chemotherapy and radiation treatments of a 2 year old girl who is diagnosed with a rare form of kidney cancer called Wilms' Tumor, but reading about and studying medicine are two completely different things. I have read medically related books in the past, but for the first time I actually KNEW what they were talking about, and it was one of the most empowering moments I can recollect in recent history. Not only did I understand the general sense of what this family was going through, but could follow the specific drugs, their mechanisms of action, as well as the reason behind the various blood tests that were being run. I've honestly lost track of the number of "flags" and bookmarks that I placed throughout the book regarding places to go back and delve deeper into what is going on medically, and I can't wait to get into those details. Throughout the semester I knew I hadn't picked up every single piece of information that had been thrown at me, but being able to read the passages presented in this little girl's unfortunate twist of fate and understand them, was incredibly exciting and motivating. It makes me realize that the "someday" that I think about in terms of being a doctor has already started. No I'm not a licensed, practicing, full fledged physician, but I'm more of one now than I was four months ago, and, again, am brought to a point of being speechless about how incredibly grateful I am for the opportunity and ability to utilize the incredible power of the human mind and the human condition.

Now that I’m back in the United States for a bit, I’m finding more so than ever before a genuine appreciation for the abilities and opportunities that we have. Just last night I was at Target and could not believe how many new types of Tostitos chips there are, or the fact that I can get peanut butter again for less than 10 dollars?! I know this sounds quite silly, and I don’t mean to make it sound like Dominica is unable to provide the basic necessities of life, but I have also adjusted to a different lifestyle and am thankful for the opportunity to do so. That being said, I am incredibly grateful to be able to be home for Christmas. I know of several students who are not going to be home with their families and friends for the holidays for various reasons, and I couldn’t imagine not being able to snuggle with my favorite pup on Christmas Eve with a movie playing the background, and a warm fire in the fireplace.

On a very different note; however, after being home for a few days, I can’t help but feel as though I am simply passing through in this visit to Minnesota. Not for the lack of welcome from family and friends, or the initial joy and relief I felt upon passing through those clouds, but at this moment in time, this isn’t my life. I remember feeling this way when I came home for the first time as an undergraduate student. Being completely ecstatic about being back in my house in my own bed with my family, friends, and pets surrounding me at my favorite time of the year, but simultaneously feeling like it no longer fit. At that time, I couldn’t pinpoint what the exact feeling was, but I remember thinking I’d love to return to Minneapolis and stay at my apartment if I had had one at the time. I had established a separate life- one that was mine and only mine. As much as the years since I graduated from the “U” have helped shape the person I’ve become, I never felt like any of it was 100% mine. In preparing to come home at the beginning of this week, I wondered if I would experience a similar sense of transiency upon arriving in Minneapolis, and I honestly didn’t until 2-3 days into my visit. Once the initial excitement of seeing snow, watching the local news, sleeping in a bed that doesn’t have springs sticking out of the mattress, and sipping wine with my favorite humans, it began to sink in that everybody here still has their routines- their own lives- just as I have in Dominica.

While waiting to pick an incoming traveler up from the airport, I sat in my favorite parking lot and watched hundreds of people come and go on planes that had served as my tickets home barely two days prior. I was brought back to one of my first posts here in August regarding the various changes that occur when one moves abroad, and was beginning to see many of the truths of that list. Now, as I mentioned, absolutely nothing beats being home for the holidays- especially the care and concern that can only come from a mom’s experience as I fight off an unwelcome sinus infection that finally caught up with me following lack of sleep and increased stress of the semester, but I can also honestly say that I will be ready to return in a few weeks to finish what I’ve started in Dominica.

If I don’t return before January, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

With Love,

Ashleigh

Gratitude

I know, I know, it's been far too long again. Let me tell you; however, that the last few weeks have been a little crazy, and the next week and half.....I don't even know if I know what to expect. That being said, I wanted to take another, what I hope will be brief, period of insomnia to sit down and communicate a little.

As you can probably tell from the post title, I want to touch on a few things that I've learned in terms of gratitude. As all of you in the United States know, last week was Thanksgiving. Most of you celebrated with friends, family, and other loved ones; and I am extremely fortunate to say that I did the same. A group of about 15 of us put together a potluck dinner and met in a communal area on campus. Since most of the students here at Ross are from the United States, a couple restaurants had offers for a full Thanksgiving meal complete with turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, etc., but I'm really glad that we decided to have our own version of Thanksgiving. I, personally, made cooked carrots, while others brought ham, chicken, yams, dressing, green beans, cheesecake, and pumpkin pie. We all had studying to do (what's new?), but it was wonderful to be able to sit down and enjoy food that we all had put some effort into preparing (even if it was finding the time to meet up with somebody else who had made it ahead of time). We don't always see each other outside of class, but the group of people who were able to make it for that dinner are very rapidly becoming my family. Without them, I would be at my apartment everyday counting down the days until I return to Minneapolis. Don't get me wrong, the fact that I will be home, sleeping in my own bed in less than two weeks is not far from my mind, but I do not go to bed each day here with a heavy heart wishing I could go home sooner. That, in and of itself, is enough to be grateful for. A couple months ago, I was asked by a friend of mine to post everyday for 5 days, 3 things that I was grateful for. So, in the context of this current train of thought, here are a few things that I am incredibly grateful for:

1. The colleagues and fellow students whom I have met, and am privileged to be working alongside. Many of us have very different backgrounds, and have had varying life experiences, but they all inspire me each and everyday to keep going; especially those who study in the same place as I do. Sure, we all have small eccentricities, but going "home" to spend evenings that turn into nights with these people is something I can honestly say I look forward to.

2. Technology. Even though I was unable to physically be with my family on Thanksgiving, I was able to put together a few brief video messages to send to them. I, of course, had to include the fact that it was still warm enough here to wear a tank top, while the subzero temperatures read loud and clear on thermometers in Minnesota, but I enjoyed being able to connect with each of them in some way.

3. Dominica. Despite its quirks and frustrating moments, the way this island has embraced my colleagues and me is amazing. No, it is not always the most comfortable (ie: rain all day everyday for 2 weeks straight, or dealing with mosquito bites constantly), but it has taught me about what it takes to really be human, and to be truly alive. As I mentioned a couple posts ago, the way that relationships work here is completely different than most in the United States. I believe I made reference to the young lady who works at the coffee shop on campus, and the way she greets me pleasantly by name every time I enter to order my large coffee (usually multiple times a day). I have come to find that sense of personal investment and honest effort in many of the relationships I have formed with the people of Dominica. For example, there is a taxi driver who has driven my friends and I to a restaurant on the island a few times, and also operates one of the nighttime shuttles from campus. Seeing that I am often on campus until wee hours of the morning, he usually will drive me home. Although it is usually no more than 5-10 minutes, he has taken the time to get to know me and really care. As I walked to class on Tuesday this week, he passed me on the road and offered to give me a ride the rest of the way. I told him I didn't have any cash for the ride, and he didn't care. Later that same day, I went to buy grapefruits from a young lady who sells fruits, pasta salads, and an amazingly crisp and refreshing avocado- cucumber salad. She knows me by name, and I see her nearly everyday. Together the grapefruits cost 1 EC (the equivalent of about 40 cents in the US), and I only had a 20 EC bill. I felt awful for not having anything smaller, but in response, she just said, "pay me tomorrow; I know you'll be back. I see you everyday." Now, these are only two of the most recent experiences I've had, but these types of encounters occur daily. I will miss this sense of trust and accountability when I return to the United States.

4. Kids. Not in the sense that I would like to have my own right now, but in the way that they bring out the side of me that appreciates the little things and sees the beauty in just being. As an assistant clinic coordinator for the Pediatrics club, I helped plan and execute a community clinic two weekends ago at an elementary school about 10 minutes away from campus. Mind you, I know I was completely stressed leading up to that day, and had volunteered at a similar clinic the weekend before, but this was different. After all the stress and preparation leading up to that weekend, what really mattered was that these kids had an opportunity to have their basic health examined. That they didn't have to worry about not being exactly who they were- just kids. Some of them were shy and didn't have a whole lot to say, while others wouldn't stop talking. We had blank paper and coloring pencils/ crayons for them to draw with while they waited to traverse through the various stations, and the overall zest and enthusiasm for being able to color was indescribably inspiring. As medical students we get so bogged down with the details and stresses of life that sometimes we forget to just live. We forget the importance of letting loose and making funny faces just because we feel like it; of finding a stick in the grass and conjuring up a dramatic story about its significance. Don't get me wrong, that's why we're here- to be focused and get a medical education- so the details DO matter and we do have to know them, but not, in my opinion, at the expense of forgetting how incredibly beautiful and awe-inspiring something like a rainbow or a sunset/ sunrise is, or how important it is to take time to just laugh and be shamelessly yourself.

As always, I could go on for days about so many different things, but being that I do have the first of my last set of exams on Monday, I'm going to cut this one off. I will leave you with a reflection that I jotted down on my phone as I arrived home a few nights ago after studying, as well as a few pictures I have taken over the last couple weeks.

With love,
Ashleigh



"Studying tonight, I looked out my window and noticed the moon setting. I walked up onto the top of my apartment to try to take a picture, but knew it could never do the setting justice. The feeling of being completely enveloped by the night sky and its trillions of stars; of looking out at the moon as the clouds roll in to try to obscure its light, failing miserably as the reflection off the Caribbean will never hold back the moon's radiance; of the peace that comes with living in Dominica where city buses and skyscrapers are only a distant thought. Today the 4th semester students received their final grades for the semester. They will be heading back to the US in two weeks. Unlike the rest of us; however, this time it will be for good. As I've been talking to them about returning home, I've observed many mixed emotions. Of course they are ready to go home and to be off the island, but many of them are going to miss it, and appreciate what it has taught them. As you probably know by now, I am quite sentimental, so I can only imagine how I will feel come next December when those shoes will be mine. For now, I'm going to continue appreciating where I'm at, and the fact that it has embraced me with open arms. My countdown to Minneapolis has reached the less than two week mark, and you better believe I'm excited to be with family and friends, but you also better believe that I'm going to miss aspects of my new home and my new family while I'm gone. As always, I continue to learn that taking the time to appreciate, and I might even go so far as to say, marvel at, those little, everyday things, like the moon's reflection on the ocean just outside my doorstep, is the only way to really, truly, and humbly live in the present and understand that everything is transient- nothing is ever permanent."

Double Rainbow outside the Library

Kids coloring at the clinic while they waited

My neighbor's dog snoozing on the patio.

Thanksgiving Day