Believe

“I am an idealist. I am an optimist. I am hopeful. I believe the best in people and situations.” These nineteen words were the first snippets of a document that I started early last week in an attempt to clear my ever- wandering mind as I prepared for exams early this week.

As of Tuesday afternoon I am about one third of the way through this first semester in medical school, and I must say, so far things are going quite well. I’ve made friends, I’m progressing and learning how best to approach the most important, academic, part of it, and have found ways to embrace the environment I’m in. Since arriving in Dominica, I think the span between my last post and this one is the longest yet; however, it feels like the shortest. Each time I’ve sat down to this point, it seems I’ve had a purpose- a specific topic or train of thought to carry out. In some ways, it even seems like they all run together and follow a common theme. Maybe that’s a good thing- maybe not; I’ll leave that for you to decide. What I do know is that for the last week and half, I’ve had a Microsoft Word document open on my desktop simply for collecting quotes and sayings I’ve come across, events that have happened, thoughts that have crossed my mind, ideas for what to call this next blog, and even (shamelessly) the results for an online “Which Disney Princess Are You?” quiz I completed while taking a much needed study break over the weekend. The result being Jasmine: “stubborn, energetic, and compassionate. You want to see the world and be allowed to make your own choices,” just in case you’re curious.

As I mentioned last week, writing is a great stress reliever for me. Unfortunately, I’m not one to sit down and write little bits at a time- it’s either all or nothing- hence why I’m taking this current period of insomnia to write. Therefore, I started the aforementioned Word document as a way to at least get some of the things swirling around in my brain out. What I did not necessarily expect; however, was the insight it provided with regard to where my brain tends to go when my studying mind begins to wander. Although it was a completely trivial and meaningless thing to do while I felt like my brain was going to physically burst, the results of said character “quiz” were actually quite accurate. Anybody who knows me in any way would probably also agree. Despite my best efforts to conform at times and “go with the flow,” I’ve always been one to “do it selfie.” Case in point, when I was barely in second grade, I packed my hardcover Webster’s Children’s Dictionary (roughly 500 pages, mind you) in my backpack for a family vacation because I wanted to be a “big kid” with my own backpack and my own books. Needless to say, despite my best efforts, I finally had to give it up and let my Dad carry it for me. If you asked me now, I’d give anything just to have that Esmeralda backpack filled with just a notebook. :) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessarily one to break the mold (or the rules, for that matter) just for the hell of it, but I also have never been one who settles for something because “everybody else is doing it,” or it’s the thing I’m supposed to be doing because “that’s where I’m at in life.”

Secondly, one of my favorite questions to ask people is, "If you were to win the lottery tomorrow, what would you do?" (Feel free to answer if you'd like). In asking this question, I feel like a lot can be learned in a relatively short amount of time about a person and the values he or she holds in highest regard. I honestly don't care how you would spend your money- whatever decisions you make are completely yours, and that's all I want to know. Who are you? What makes you answer this question the way that you do? What experiences have you had that helped shape your outlook and perspectives about life? I'm simply curious about people, and love to ask meaningful questions. For me, there are several things I would do, but traveling and “seeing the world” would be top on the list. Thanks in great part to my family, and the opportunities they provided my younger brother and me when we were growing up, a love and respect for traveling has been fostered in me for as long as I can remember. Granted, I know I’m not the only person who was fortunate enough to travel around the world as both a child and a young adult, but I also know that I never treated it as a right or something that I deserved. Honestly, some of the best memories I have of traveling as a kid involve NOT making it on a flight. Every single time we traveled, it was an adventure. Whether I sat by myself or talked my Dad’s ear off for the entire Trans- Atlantic flight, I appreciated every single minute of it. I believe it is from these experiences, and the attitude that all four of us had toward every single chance we were given to learn about a new place, that my desire to explore and see different cultures, meet new people, and embrace other societies stems. Do I have great stories about all the places we visited? I could probably talk your ear off. On the contrary, do I have stories that might make somebody else never want to travel again? Honestly, probably more than not. That being said, I STILL would probably chose to fly on a pass over buying a guaranteed ticket.

Along that same vein, one of my favorite places to go when I need time and space to myself in Minneapolis is a parking lot in front of the airport. Without a clue as to where the planes are going or who is on them, the entirety of the experience from the smell of aviation fuel to the powerful, yet humbling, roar of the engines, is soothing. At one point, I thought I wanted to be an airline pilot. Up until I was twelve, the airport was my second home, and to this day, there are very few places that I feel more comfortable in than airports. I know it may sound strange, but it doesn’t matter where in the world I am, being in an airport feels like home. What I began to realize; however, is that becoming a pilot might take away that feeling. Instead of the simultaneous thrill and comfort I felt while being surrounded by airplanes and endless possibilities of where to go and what to see, it struck me that those choices of what to do and who to see would already be made for me. I was afraid it would become a chore, and realized that the freedom that comes with closing my eyes and sensing, feeling those precious, fleeting moments of contact with the ground between when the nose gear and the main gear, respectively, leave the runway, is something too intrinsic for me to place in somebody else's control.

Who knows what the culmination of my various interests will be down the road, but for right now, I’m choosing to return to those nineteen words that I wrote last week, and believe that they will hold true no matter where the future takes me.