Holidays at Home

Snow Day Snuggles

Well, I can now officially say that I'm done and I passed my first semester of medical school. To express that I'm ecstatic, relieved, and exhausted would not even come close to putting how I feel into words. Officially, I arrived home Wednesday night, but left Dominica on Tuesday afternoon. Considering all the possible cancellations, delays, and hiccups that could have happened over the course of those 24 hours worth of traveling, I was very fortunate to have only run into a small hiccup on the last leg of my trip from Dallas to Minneapolis where the maintenance crew was unable to locate a spare medical oxygen tank for our MD-80 aircraft within the vicinity of DFW. Luckily, an hour and half later, they found a generous flight crew elsewhere within the airport who was willing to share theirs, and we were on our way to the snowy winter wonderland that is Minnesota. At first I was a little apprehensive about coming home and how I would feel. Would it feel like home? Would I feel like an outsider in my old stomping grounds? Would I hate the cold and snow? Would Elphie be as excited to see me as I am to see her? Well, needless to say, I had nothing to be apprehensive about. As soon as we broke through the thin, wispy layer of clouds that separate the incredibly humbling and beautiful collection of fluffy, cotton candy-like clouds at 33,000 feet and the equally beautiful and humbling world upon which we all live to see the ginormous and perfectly lit up tree along Cedar Ave in Eagan, I was home. The overwhelming feeling of comfort and joy that washed through me as we coasted over the Mall of America (there's a new LL Bean store?!), and landed on my second favorite runway at MSP is another that I could never put into words. The smile that appeared on my face was immovable. Add to that the grin on my Mom's face when she picked me up at baggage claim, and the endless tail wagging and endearingly adorable squeaks from Elphie when I got home, and you have one happy, content camper. Don't get me wrong, Dominica is a beautiful place to live, and I am excited to be able to go back in a few weeks, but there is absolutely nothing like home. 

Over the course of my 25- hour travel journey, I had just a little time to begin a series of books "for fun!" Granted, this series, called The Emily Tales, chronicles the series of chemotherapy and radiation treatments of a 2 year old girl who is diagnosed with a rare form of kidney cancer called Wilms' Tumor, but reading about and studying medicine are two completely different things. I have read medically related books in the past, but for the first time I actually KNEW what they were talking about, and it was one of the most empowering moments I can recollect in recent history. Not only did I understand the general sense of what this family was going through, but could follow the specific drugs, their mechanisms of action, as well as the reason behind the various blood tests that were being run. I've honestly lost track of the number of "flags" and bookmarks that I placed throughout the book regarding places to go back and delve deeper into what is going on medically, and I can't wait to get into those details. Throughout the semester I knew I hadn't picked up every single piece of information that had been thrown at me, but being able to read the passages presented in this little girl's unfortunate twist of fate and understand them, was incredibly exciting and motivating. It makes me realize that the "someday" that I think about in terms of being a doctor has already started. No I'm not a licensed, practicing, full fledged physician, but I'm more of one now than I was four months ago, and, again, am brought to a point of being speechless about how incredibly grateful I am for the opportunity and ability to utilize the incredible power of the human mind and the human condition.

Now that I’m back in the United States for a bit, I’m finding more so than ever before a genuine appreciation for the abilities and opportunities that we have. Just last night I was at Target and could not believe how many new types of Tostitos chips there are, or the fact that I can get peanut butter again for less than 10 dollars?! I know this sounds quite silly, and I don’t mean to make it sound like Dominica is unable to provide the basic necessities of life, but I have also adjusted to a different lifestyle and am thankful for the opportunity to do so. That being said, I am incredibly grateful to be able to be home for Christmas. I know of several students who are not going to be home with their families and friends for the holidays for various reasons, and I couldn’t imagine not being able to snuggle with my favorite pup on Christmas Eve with a movie playing the background, and a warm fire in the fireplace.

On a very different note; however, after being home for a few days, I can’t help but feel as though I am simply passing through in this visit to Minnesota. Not for the lack of welcome from family and friends, or the initial joy and relief I felt upon passing through those clouds, but at this moment in time, this isn’t my life. I remember feeling this way when I came home for the first time as an undergraduate student. Being completely ecstatic about being back in my house in my own bed with my family, friends, and pets surrounding me at my favorite time of the year, but simultaneously feeling like it no longer fit. At that time, I couldn’t pinpoint what the exact feeling was, but I remember thinking I’d love to return to Minneapolis and stay at my apartment if I had had one at the time. I had established a separate life- one that was mine and only mine. As much as the years since I graduated from the “U” have helped shape the person I’ve become, I never felt like any of it was 100% mine. In preparing to come home at the beginning of this week, I wondered if I would experience a similar sense of transiency upon arriving in Minneapolis, and I honestly didn’t until 2-3 days into my visit. Once the initial excitement of seeing snow, watching the local news, sleeping in a bed that doesn’t have springs sticking out of the mattress, and sipping wine with my favorite humans, it began to sink in that everybody here still has their routines- their own lives- just as I have in Dominica.

While waiting to pick an incoming traveler up from the airport, I sat in my favorite parking lot and watched hundreds of people come and go on planes that had served as my tickets home barely two days prior. I was brought back to one of my first posts here in August regarding the various changes that occur when one moves abroad, and was beginning to see many of the truths of that list. Now, as I mentioned, absolutely nothing beats being home for the holidays- especially the care and concern that can only come from a mom’s experience as I fight off an unwelcome sinus infection that finally caught up with me following lack of sleep and increased stress of the semester, but I can also honestly say that I will be ready to return in a few weeks to finish what I’ve started in Dominica.

If I don’t return before January, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

With Love,

Ashleigh