Diagnosing in Dominica: Challenges.

Hello again! Despite me “having more time” this semester, I’ve ironically found it more difficult to find time to sit down and update you all on the goings on. So, here I am on a Friday afternoon to sit down and do just that.

To start, I have successfully completed my first mini exam for second semester, and it finally feels like I’m back in school. It’s a hard sentiment to express, but the first three weeks were a little hard to get into. Not because the material was boring, or even because I wasn’t trying to study, things just didn’t feel like they were falling into place. Luckily, I was able to get a grasp on things last weekend before the exam, and everything worked out. After our exam on Tuesday, everybody from my class gathered, as usual, outside the testing center as the security guards attempted to clear us in order to allow the second group of students to begin their exam. Let me explain that for a minute- our class is too big for all of us to fit inside the testing center, so they have to split us into two groups based on last name alphabetically. Therefore, whoever is part of the first group of testing needs to clear the area surrounding the testing center as soon as possible so as not to delay the second group. With that minor detail cleared up, I’ll get back to where I was. We were all gathered trying to determine what the plan of action would be for the rest of the day. Initially, I was going to be productive. I arrived at the testing center at 7:45 before my exam, not with my backpack (what’s the point of bringing notes to review mere minutes before the test?), but instead with my insulated grocery bag. You see the grocery store is right down the street from the testing center, and the testing center is more than halfway between my apartment and the grocery store, so it just made sense to continue heading that direction for just a bit longer and take care of my errands. Well, this exam was probably the most challenging exam I’ve personally taken on the island. Not because I didn’t understand the material, but in the way the answer choices were presented. I rarely finish an exam without at least 20 minutes left to go back through and review my answer choices. In this case, I barely finished. My brain was fried. So, as you may guess, I didn’t make it to the grocery store. A few friends decided to go out for brunch, and the state of my brain much preferred that option to “being productive.” I have yet to make it to the store. :)

Following brunch, people started heading to the beach- where we all tend to congregate in the aftermath of exams. I followed suit for a few hours, and then returned to campus for a group training session with six colleagues who serve as leaders of the New Student Ambassador program. At the time, I didn’t know exactly what to expect from this training, and if I’m being completely honest, was a little sad to be going back inside on the first afternoon in a while that I literally didn’t have anything to do related to school. What started as a leadership training session; however, became an hour and half of team building and bonding that I wouldn’t have traded for anything. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the beach, and pinch myself frequently in disbelief that this is where I live, but the discussions we had were invaluable. Based on the book, The Leadership Challenge, we went through each of five practices that make an effective, successful leader:

1. Model the Way
2. Inspire a Shared Vision
3. Challenge the Process
4. Enable Others to Act
5. Encourage the Heart

Each practice had a different “activity” associated with it, but my favorites was "Model the Way." We each had to sit down and make a list of our top ten values. Now, I understand, that this may sound cliché and “cheesy,” but it made me realize a few things. 1. Choosing only 10 values is hard. 2. Although they are each separate, each value somehow stems from another. In other words, they are all interconnected. 3. When you work with people who have similar goals, your values tend to overlap. Once we had finished, we each briefly discussed some of the ones on our list, and subsequently had to choose ONE value that we hold in higher esteem or of utmost importance. This was hard. It further demonstrated; however, how interrelated each of our values is. Now, this will not be the first time that I mention this, but my number one value was relationships. From the diverse relationships I currently have in my life, and those I’ve had with people in the past, I am able to observe and really appreciate my other values. Some of which include integrity, education, creativity, honesty, and understanding. I had never really thought of each being so connected, but it was really enlightening to realize. This activity also brought me back to a conversation I had with a colleague back in August. She has become one of the best people I’ve met since moving to Dominica. At the time, she and I were out to dinner with a larger group of people, and at one point in our conversation she asked me what I value more than anything. Bear in mind, I'm from Minnesota where people tend not to skim more than the surface when it comes to talking about life, how things (actually) are going in life, and opening up about who they really are, so having only met her a couple days prior, I was a little caught off guard by how her question probed directly into who I am as a person and why. Not in an offensive or off-putting way, but in a way that was refreshingly genuine and completely real. She and I have a weekly lunch date that we’ve maintained since the middle of last semester, and within those breaks, whether for 15 or 45 minutes, we cover the gamut of topics. I always walk away feeling better than when I sat down. It’s honestly incredible. In the midst of the stress and consuming nature of medical school, it feels really wonderful to just be human and remember what that means. After all, that’s why most of us want to go into medicine, right- to be human and help heal the human condition, whatever that may entail? I suppose that sentiment will vary from person to person, but it's an interesting thought to think.

As I was walking to class this morning, I was struck by how much things have changed since I’ve been back. Granted, the last time I was here, I commented on how comfortable I feel here in Dominica, and how excited I was to be back. Although I still feel both of those things, I experienced a much stronger sense of homesickness this semester than I ever did last semester. Actually, "homesickness" can't even come close to describing how I've felt. I missed my friends and family, but knew I'd be seeing them again soon. I missed my dog, but again, I'll be able to see her soon. Minneapolis pulled at my heartstrings, but I wasn't dying to go back. So, what was it? Still to this day, I can't pinpoint what it was that I felt. I knew I would adapt and settle in again, but it was really one of the most unnerving feelings. After all, hadn’t I lived here for four months? Gone through the adjustment? Like I mentioned a couple weeks ago, shouldn’t I be able to walk back in knowing exactly what to expect? Theoretically, yes. For whatever reason; however, I couldn't figure out how. I spent much time pondering this and why it was different now than last semester. The conclusion I came to was that this (“this” being Dominica and school) is no longer new. I know exactly what to expect. Where to go for the best food at the shacks. What to do when I need to stay on campus to study, but the Large Learning Lab is closed. How to go about getting approval to run a clinic for Peds. Basically, I know enough to get by and live successfully day to day. These days; however, that’s not enough. So, I’ve been thinking about what more I can do to be successful and content here. What opportunities can I take advantage of this semester that I didn’t have time to do last semester? How can I adjust my life in a way that I get out of each day (almost) exactly what I want? Instead of needing to simply survive as I did in first semester, I need to establish a way of life. That was it. Something had finally clicked as I realized that as much as I don’t like change, it allows me to never have to establish parameters. For the last 5 years, I’ve known what I wanted to do (become a doctor), but I’ve never been in a position to have to settle down. To establish a life. My mailing address has changed at least once a year since I graduated high school. I had three different jobs over the course of nearly three years within the same company. I’ve started, but not finished, a master’s degree. Now that I’m finally getting to do what I want to do and starting to "settle down," it’s scary. Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely thrilled, but for the first time, I don’t have to think about when I’m going to start doing that thing I’ve always wanted to do. I’m actually doing it, and as much as I’ve wanted for the last few years to be settled, the idea that I’m getting there is terrifying. Now, quick perspective, I do still live in the Caribbean, and there are still a lot of things about my life that are up in the air. For example, things that often run through my head are: “Where will I spend the last two years of school while I complete rotations? Where will my residency placement be? Will my family continue to mostly reside in Minnesota, or will better opportunities present themselves elsewhere that encourage them to move?” That being said, the one thing that has been uncertain for so long is finally not uncertain, and I’m finally coming to terms with that. Does it mean that I don’t want to be here? In no way, shape, nor form. Still to this day, I can’t imagine doing anything else. It does further show me; however, that continuing to face life with an open mind and one that is focused on continuous growth and learning is essential. The fact that my life isn’t constantly changing for the first time in a while is a change…..so, maybe I’m actually more resistant to change than I realized. :)

Alright, alright, enough with the serious, philosophical talk. What I have not mentioned is that I am playing powder-puff football this semester with a few other first and second semester young ladies. We’ve had two practices so far, and it’s been a blast! Technically it’s a flag, no-tackle game, but our practices have gotten a bit intense at times, and I know that the games will only be more. It’s been a really good way for me to get outside of studying for a bit, though, and meet some people from my class that I otherwise wouldn’t have a chance to get to know. Needless to say, I know I’m biased, but I think our team is going to do quite well. I’ll keep you posted.

Unfortunately I believe I should move my head back to where it needs to be- the books- but I will leave you with a few photos of the island since I’ve been back, and as always, lots of love.